Problems with dating a divorced woman
But this would take time, involve conflict, and also mean that the kids would be more of a presence in your life—which brings me back to the package deal I mentioned earlier. On the days that Adam has the kids, are you there, too, or does Adam spend that time alone with them?I think you should consider how you feel about Adam’s kids two and a half years into this relationship, because they aren’t going anywhere. If you and Adam get married, these three kids will be your stepchildren, and my guess is that you don’t know them very well, because kids—like people of all ages—aren’t always “pleasant” and sometimes—again, like adults—“go out of control.” I imagine that they’re going through their own struggles related to the divorce—adjusting to two homes, to their mother’s less-than-stable situation, and also, don’t forget, to a woman in their dad’s life.For instance, he may miss his kids when they’re with their mom and enjoy some of the “mundane” details his ex sends, even if he’s bothered by her other calls and texts.He may welcome a goodnight call or text every single night from his kids, even if you’re cuddled up watching Netflix together or in the middle of a candlelit dinner.
Every time Adam’s ringtone goes off, my stomach churns because I feel so violated and intruded on by her.
Hopefully, Adam will be willing to get some professional help in navigating his co-parenting situation, even if his ex-wife declines to participate with him.
Just remember that you two have some navigating to do, too, in figuring out what your life together will look like in this blended family.
And when a person who doesn’t have firsthand experience as a parent becomes romantically involved with a divorced parent, he or she can struggle to understand the parent’s experience and the directions he or she is pulled in, both emotionally and logistically.
It sounds like Adam is trying to please everyone and ends up feeling trapped.