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I have waited quite some time to post this blog, mainly because I have to been trying to find the right words.

It turns out that supposedly he really liked me too. Now, contrary to popular belief, Rikki was not the one that conducted Josh's coming back. We had talked over the phone about him coming back, because I thought it would make a great ending, and since we both had really strong feelings for each other. We had also talked about it maybe not being such a good idea, because again it would not be fair to the other guys. and there boyfriend/​​girlfriend is a complete nightmare..

I insisted to the producers that this would be a brilliant idea, and assured them he was comfortable with this as well. But he insisted that he was in love, that I was his perfect girl, he would do anything to make it work, that it was all a mistake. Well Because he's a broke ass artist he couldn't "fix" it... then he told me she was giving it up for adoption..

Things got very complicated after the show stopped filming.

I knew the producers were very leary of him coming back. Now, it is very true that Josh then had decided to write Rikki. Remember that supposed girl that he had been dating?? Here I think Iv just scored big in love, found everything id been looking for in a guy, and that he felt the same about me... Or at least in this case thats how it seems, right? ”)I still felt like I had meet a great guy, talented, passionate, sweet. I have stood by this guy, in hopes that what he says was the truth. Nothing in life is easy, in fact anything worth fighting for is gonna be hard. Despite the fact that the supposed “man of my dreams” is now getting with another woman(“isn't it ironic? Right, but at the end of the day I still had to film an amazing TV show. So I had one of the talent wranglers slip him a note. And who knows, maybe someone else could have swept me off my feet. In fact I mean this in the nicest way possible, but they never even came close. Because I had strong, true, real feelings for him right away. It basically said that I understand how one could get mind fucked in this unique situation, but that I truly did like him a lot and if he wanted he could call me and wrote down my number. you know when you see your best girlfriend, or bro.. lose that shit” Well when your “in love” you find yourself doing and acting in ways you never would think possible.

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